Last Tuesday before the actual lecture begun, the professor started talking about trust. He told us that he has to walk quite a detour from his office to the lecture room because he has to get a special key in order to unbar the audio/visual-cupboard he needs during the lecture. And why is that? Because we don’t trust each other. Somebody might steal all this important technical gadgetry. In fact a lack of trust complicates things most of the time. At the same time, all our life is a matter of trust. The professor gave an example from earlier days when you would go to the bank and ask for a 100 bucks from your account. The bank assistant would check your ID and ask for a signature on a paper that says that you received a 100 bucks from your account. That is a big matter of trust because in this moment, the bank assistant could look at you and say: “Hello, what can I do for you?” You would answer: “Well I just wanted to draw money from my bank account, i signed the paper a second ago!” If the bank clerk would act a fool and tell you that you signed it that you received it and he refuses to give you the money – what would you do?
A nasty thing took place
My trust got shattered a little bit on Wednesday. I work in a yoga store and during work hours my phone got stolen by 2 customers. I had a weird feeling in my gut when my eyes fell on them. They were foreigners and refused to talk in english or german with me. Then they bought something rather expensive and due to my gut feeling, i let the 100€ note run through the bank note checker – twice. It was real, so I dismissed my uneasy feeling as a prejudice and gave her the change. Then it became confusing because as far as I understood her, she didn’t expect the item to cost that much (around 60€, there was a price tag on it). They suddenly became really pushy (literally coming into my personal space) and I guess they wanted their money back. I answered I can only give you a voucher or you take something else for the amount you paid but I can not refund your money. They didn’t back off, they kept talking in their language and I was trying to explain the contract for purchase in german and english. When they left, I scanned the room to check if something was missing. Too late I noticed it was my phone.
Humans are evil…or aren’t they?
I started crying because I felt that the whole world has gone bad. You steal from an employee in a yoga store? Really? A phone that’s 2 years old? Why would you do that (moral question)? This Wednesday morning hasn’t been a very good one either for more personal reasons and I just felt betrayed by the whole universe. I did a nice meditation after my yoga practice in the morning, trying to visualize a great working day with lovely customers and good experiences. What did I get? Nothing like that. I felt defiant, huffy and sad. I had a “fuck it all”-feeling for the rest of the day. The world is an evil, vile place where you have to expect the worst of everybody! At least this way you can’t get disappointed… Those were my thoughts for a few hours. It got less dramatic until the evening but I was down nevertheless.
It’s always darkest before the dawn
To prove me all wrong, life smashed a hell of a great (working) day in my face on the following Thursday. My mum came to support me and help sort out the administrative stuff (the phone was registered on my grandma’s name who died 2 years ago) which had to be sorted out already anyway (bringing the death notice to the store), bought me delicious chocolate and stayed with me at my work for a few hours, even helping me cleaning the store! She is a real gem. Friends would provide me with a temporary phone for free and giving me adorable souvenirs from their last trip on that occasion (including some more unexpected dutch chocolate from a sweet lady from Holland). In addition I met a very interesting war crime lawyer from Italy, living in Serbia and I had a great dinner filled with laughter with an amazing, british yoga teacher. I guess my meditation worked one day later 😉
Expect nothing, gain everything
What I learned from this experience once more is that it’s not all black and white. Never. Yes, there are bad people who want to steal your stuff so keep it close and locked up. No, this does not mean that the world has turned its back on you and that you are being betrayed by everybody. Yes, DO trust your gut feeling. No, don’t think meditation and visualization doesn’t work, it simply does not always work in the way you expect it. Most of all: Expect good things no matter what and don’t let your trust be taken away by the bad people, even if they enter your life in unpleasant ways. Shit happens, your mind set towards it is what matters. Most of the people around me are amazing and if I ever stumble upon the villains, it happens for several reasons: to remind me that it’s not all happy and easy, even if I really want it to be and also to get shit done and not be a procrastinator. In a way this is a very obvious lesson. It was time for me to be reminded of it again – it’s trust-week for me 😉 As i stated before, I really think that a lack of trust complicates life and that you do feel more confident if you DO trust and have faith in good things to happen. What are your opinions on that? When has your trust been betrayed and how did you handle it? Did you come out of the experience with more or less trust?
Anyway, I can high-five life again and wish you an amazing day 🙂