Last Tuesday before the actual lecture begun, the professor started talking about trust. He told us that he has to walk quite a detour from his office to the lecture room…
11/04/2014
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![One year ago on January 18th life swept me off my feet in a most disastrous way. One sentence was all it took. It was the day which started full of hope and positivity and ended in shreds of dispair drowning in a sea of tears. We received the information that our baby had an abdominal wall defect. The future suddenly became a hazy blur of guessing possible outcomes.
2018 broke me and blessed me. It stripped me of long-held beliefs and dreams.
2018 showed me that "manifesting" and "visualizing" things/events you want are for most parts shallow bullshit of and for privileged people.
Since my baby’s diagnosis I've visualized, manifested, journaled, meditated and moon ritualed my baby's healthy abdominal wall like crazy. Because "you can make anything happen if you believe in yourself!" and "your thoughts create your reality" and my astrology chart said that from June on I would get lucky and things would get easy.
So I was convinced that the birth would go smoothly and that the defect of my baby would be minor and would be fixed with one operation. Reality spat me in my delusional face.
My c-section was awful, the birth defect worse than expected and I had to fear for my baby's life during 4 operations. We spent almost four long and dreary months in the hospital and since coming home, life is not easy breezy either. I pumped milk for 5 months only to realize he’s never going to breastfeed. That ship had sailed in those traumatizing months in the hospital. Like nursing my baby to sleep? Pfff.. it's bottle-feeding my baby into excruciating stomach-aches and needing around one hour to calm him so he's able to sleep. And by calm him I mean walk or bounce with him. No relaxed sitting or singing. It’s actual physical work. E-V-E-R-Y time, for every nap. He still has troubles with feeding, pooping and sleeping - so every main thing a baby does hooray.
Yes, I'm grateful for my baby and he shows me a love which is indescribably deep and fulfilling yet he also triggers my absolute worst traits like impatience, over-emotionality and anger.
Horrible things happen in life for probably no reason and I can't do anything about it.
[continued in comments]](http://scontent-frt3-2.cdninstagram.com/vp/54c5db9d54c8cfb07fdda15e03d8d106/5CF34E46/t51.2885-15/sh0.08/e35/s640x640/50725377_2036102399838093_5548011181600564089_n.jpg?_nc_ht=scontent-frt3-2.cdninstagram.com "One year ago on January 18th life swept me off my feet in a most disastrous way. One sentence was all it took. It was the day which started full of hope and positivity and ended in shreds of dispair drowning in a sea of tears. We received the information that our baby had an abdominal wall defect. The future suddenly became a hazy blur of guessing possible outcomes.
2018 broke me and blessed me. It stripped me of long-held beliefs and dreams.
2018 showed me that \"manifesting\" and \"visualizing\" things/events you want are for most parts shallow bullshit of and for privileged people.
Since my baby’s diagnosis I've visualized, manifested, journaled, meditated and moon ritualed my baby's healthy abdominal wall like crazy. Because \"you can make anything happen if you believe in yourself!\" and \"your thoughts create your reality\" and my astrology chart said that from June on I would get lucky and things would get easy.
So I was convinced that the birth would go smoothly and that the defect of my baby would be minor and would be fixed with one operation. Reality spat me in my delusional face.
My c-section was awful, the birth defect worse than expected and I had to fear for my baby's life during 4 operations. We spent almost four long and dreary months in the hospital and since coming home, life is not easy breezy either. I pumped milk for 5 months only to realize he’s never going to breastfeed. That ship had sailed in those traumatizing months in the hospital. Like nursing my baby to sleep? Pfff.. it's bottle-feeding my baby into excruciating stomach-aches and needing around one hour to calm him so he's able to sleep. And by calm him I mean walk or bounce with him. No relaxed sitting or singing. It’s actual physical work. E-V-E-R-Y time, for every nap. He still has troubles with feeding, pooping and sleeping - so every main thing a baby does hooray.
Yes, I'm grateful for my baby and he shows me a love which is indescribably deep and fulfilling yet he also triggers my absolute worst traits like impatience, over-emotionality and anger.
Horrible things happen in life for probably no reason and I can't do anything about it.
[continued in comments]")
